Several Ways to Make Superheroes Sound Inferior

Before I start this, I am the biggest superhero fan of all time. I really enjoy them. They cover my walls, and the majority of my boxers showcase pictures of them. So when I write this, it is only because when friends or mostly foes of my mine try to make superheroes sound less awesome, these are the methods that I’ve come across them using.


1.) If the superhero has two words in his/her name, put the last word first and then make the other word sound like some sort of a fetish used by the other. For instance, Spider-Man can be turned into, ‘what is he? Some sort of man that’s in love with spiders?’ Or using someone else such as MoonKnight, ‘look, some knight who touches other men only when the moons out’.


2.) If the superhero only has one word in his/her name, just put the word ‘bologna’ after the name. If using the name Gambit, change it into, ‘Oh look, it’s Gambit Bologna’. Or how about, ‘Stupid Hulk Bologna’. It makes them sound like more of a sandwich than a superhero.


3.) Criticize the superheroes costume basically just by saying every superhero looks like they bought their costume at a garage sale.


4.) If a superhero has a sidekick, make a gay joke about the superhero if both are males, or imply that the superhero kidnapped the sidekick if he/she seems too young to be out past dark. Because kidnapping is no joke.


5.) Never mention how cool it is that they have so many superpowers. As long as they have one weakness, they’re lame in your eyes. And if they have no weaknesses, they’re extra lame because it’s unfair to everyone else. No one wins but you.


6.) To make up a really good nickname for a superhero, pick one physical characteristic about them, and then say version of Hasselhoff. So for the Silver Surfer, you would say ‘He looks like a silver version of Hasselhoff’, and for Wolverine, you would say ‘He looks like a short version of Hasselhoff’.


7.) Imply their manners are not good enough for them to stay at the Ritz. ‘All the Human Torch does is light things on fire; you wouldn’t see him at the Ritz’.

...
..
.

Blog Author and Artist: Nick Paddison